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Diaries Of The Monkey Slayer

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Your Moment Of Zen

I got sucked into watching "Whale Wars" on animal planet tonight. It was amazing to see such a complete stereotype. I bet there is not a single bar of soap on that entire ship. But I digress. The quote of the day. From Cpt Paul Watson. I want a crew with passion, I don't want a bunch of professionals running around God forbid you have anyone on the fail boat who knows what they are doing. The highlight was the helo pilot who did not know how to use a GPS and sent them 20 miles off cour

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You Purple Glove Wearing Nancies

I do not want to see one more person wearing nitrile gloves to change their coolant, windshield wipers, spark plugs, or anything else that a 3yo little girl can do. Its one thing while working on a diff or MAYBE changing the oil. But put your big boy panties on and use your hands ladies. I mean at least wear gloves made out of something dead. And Serge. I don't want to see a single hand lotion, do these pants make me look fat, snus, which man purse should I buy thread from you this week.

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Why Is Nothing Easy

So on the group ride today my front derailleur decides to commit hari kari and rip out one of the pop rivets. 18 miles of chattering later I am back at the shop and pull a nice shiny m771 XT derailleur out of the case. This should be a 5 minute install so I skip installing it there and go home. So 5 minute job right........... 1. Bottle cage and pump are in the way. Easy fix. Remove them and carry on. Now an 8 minute job. 2. 48 tooth chain ring is in the way. Ok, now I need a right angle 5mm

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Water Cooling And The Irony

After designing 10-15 water cooled systems consisting of everything from 2 cpus up to 16 I thought I would pass along some words of wisdom. First and foremost SCREW WORM CLAMPS. They always tend to leak in a computer application. Zipties or the plastic click clamps for whatever reason work better if you must. Of course all your blocks should be compression fittings, but there are times, at the pump, you have to settle for a clamp. Second, use motul coolant. Its ~ 1/10 the cost of compute

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Uv Index Wtfs The Point

Ok so what is the point of the national weathers service's UV Index? Washington DC's UV index for tomorrow: 10+. Destin Florida's UV index tomorrow: 10+. Well we all know the sun in Florida is stronger than the sun in DC, so the scale must only go to 10 right? WRONG. The scale is linear and has no upper limit. For example parts of Nigeria tomorrow will have a UV index of 16. Yet the national weather service has it listed at what? You guessed it. 10+. Are we so simple we cannot handle a scale th

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Tops Ways To Know You Suck At Photography

1. You use multiple exposures and your cameras not on a tripod. You're a digital poser retard. Put down the CS4 and learn your f-stops. 2. You do not view blown highlights as a digital camera problem. The sky is not white you tard. You shouldn't have to use an inverted wave or ocean scene to simulate the sky. Its photography not CGI. 3. You think 16 mega-pixel is huge. 16mp is NOT ok for 54" photos. Prints are not posters. 75lpi is not ok. 4. You think black boarders are cool. Black boarders ma

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The First Of Many To Come Online Rants

So I am sitting here trying to come up with an easy to follow photo editing guide and a window pops up telling me I have email. I toggle over to Thunderbird and what do I find? The first 5 lines to Walden Pond followed by a lone link to "buy cialis". FINE. <DELETE> I am used to this kind of low blow marketing. What I did not expect was to click back over to volvopeed and find a new member asking about half shafts only to reply to himself under another username "foud cheepe ones here

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South Beach Diet Is For Dirty Hippies

South Beach Diet....... WTF is this nonsense, and why does it seem to reappear every few months. It was bad enough 3 years ago when all the goofy little hippie restaurants opened here with the south beach menu. Now its apparently back, only this time slightly revised. Who eats this crap? Its not even that healthy if you are an even moderately active individual. The whole plan lacks a reasonable supply of sodium, carbs, potassium, and.... OH YEAH, TASTE. Its amazing. It takes things that should t

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Server Backup

Added files are causing server backup to take an additional 30 minutes. I think Iron Monkey needs to come kick the crap out of the SQL box

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Sears Tries To Stick It In Your Butt?

Sears loves to push their "Profession line" off compressors. The 19541 is their top of the line portable unit. It is build by Divelbliss and actually the same as the Portercable and usually cheaper. The rub is Sears advertises it as a dual stage compressor. Not a dual piston, but a dual stage. I purchased this compressor and noted the box had the 19541 item number and said "Craftsman 2 Stage Compressor". However when I got it out of the box I saw only one crank case and no intercoolers or cross

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Purple Glove Wearing Nancies Taking Over

Its gone too far. What started out as a good thing has gone horribly wrong. Nitrile gloves for surgeons.... Ok sure that makes sense. Wearing them to clean a CV joint. Ok again I can see that. To change windshield wipers?!?!?! GTFO. Now its even worse though. This months Maximum PC has people sporting the trendy purple gloves to install everything from RAM to PCI cards. WTF is wrong with us. Have a look for yourself: http://www.maximumpc.com/article/features/dream_machine?page=0%2C6 The sa

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Proud To Be An American

Ok, for this you will need to read the back story here: http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=176090525770505 Let me start by saying, I am as American as the next guy. I come from a military family going back 4 generations I know of. I worked on base here for years, and was employed under an anti-terrorism agency. But stories like this annoy me. For two basic reasons. One they are fake, and two what about all the other jobs that are just as important. Lets start with the other jobs.

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Orianthi Needs Self Improvement?

Ok so this song somehow seems to show up everywhere. After listening to it a few times I realized a few things. Maybe Orianthi is just a slack ass complainer. Maybe just maybe the first guy is right here. I mean she starts out with a sad story. In the lyrics According to you I'm stupid, I'm useless, I can't do anything right. She makes you feel bad for her. No one is totally useless, and everyone can do something right. Instead of stopping there though she goes one According to you I'm

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Orianthi Needs Self Improvement?

Ok so this song somehow seems to show up everywhere. After listening to it a few times I realized a few things. Maybe Orianthi is just a slack ass complainer. Maybe just maybe the first guy is right here. I mean she starts out with a sad story. In the lyrics According to you I'm stupid, I'm useless, I can't do anything right. She makes you feel bad for her. No one is totally useless, and everyone can do something right. Instead of stopping there though she goes one According to you I'm

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Orianthi Needs Self Improvement?

Ok so this song somehow seems to show up everywhere. After listening to it a few times I realized a few things. Maybe Orianthi is just a slack ass complainer. Maybe just maybe the first guy is right here. I mean she starts out with a sad story. In the lyrics According to you I'm stupid, I'm useless, I can't do anything right. She makes you feel bad for her. No one is totally useless, and everyone can do something right. Instead of stopping there though she goes one According to you I'm

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Omg!~! Carbon Fiber Shortage

Whoever started this myth needs punched in the nards. I have worked building graphite auto parts since the 90s. There has never been a real shortage. There was a price increase due to the 777 and JSF, but I never once was told when ordering that the market was out and I would have to wait or simple could not get it. All through this "shortage" bikes, race cars, planes, kayaks, and a host of other items were still built and sold daily. So why did all these companies fold up shop who were maki

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Oh Katy Perry, You're Just One Of The Boys

Ok so its a guilty pleasure. I listen to the worst music ever while working out. While working out I take a break from my usual Aerosmith, Rush, Cheap Trick soundtracks and lean towards NIN, Scissor Sisters, DMX, Jay-Z or something else with an easy cadence. With that said, I'll admit it. I run down the road keeping beat to, "I chased a squirrel/I kissed a girl" and I like it. I make no apologies. Waking up in vegas, yeah it sounds dated but beat is 110 range and its easy to work out to. Hot an

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No Shit

Law And Order Channel 110 Episode 172 -> More Info Description: Detectives suspect man of murder. No kidding! Thanks for NOTHING TV guide channel

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Never To Take Something Or Put Something In Their Mouth When They Are Not Sure What It Is

What could 10 year olds be putting in their mouths? Coins, glue, dirt, keys? Nope! This could mean so much, but in Washington DC this is what you tell 10 year olds who are caught doing blow at school. Cocaine, not just for mommy and daddy anymore. Thomson Elementary School Principal Albert Dupont sent a letter to parents last week asking them to stress to their children: "NEVER to take something or put something in their mouth when they are not sure what it is." http://www.cnn.com/2011/CRIM

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Migration Soon

As of February Volvospeed will have been on the same server for three long years. In this time I have lived in three states and visited fourteen countries. In that time much has happened here. Some may remember in '04 when the server crashed and unfortunately I was in Africa. Thanks to the great people here things were addressed and moved on. Others of you will remember some of the classic topics, iguanas, Josh calling M3's rice, picture threads, failed national meets. To most though Volvo

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Meatless Mondays?

Meatless Mondays?!?! What next, WTF Fridays? For those who have not heard about this, Meatless Monday AKA every monday, is a day you are not supposed to eat meat because it will save the planet. How? I have no idea. Living in the south for many years has taught me something. It takes a lot less carbon to slaughter a pasture of cattle than it does to harvest two thousand acres of green beans. I digress. What you eat is your business. I frankly do not care, unless we socialize health care then you

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Maltipoos And Obama Don'T Like Black People?

What a fluffy ass news day, bad puns intended. First across the RSS feed is Jessica Simpsons dogs is eaten by coyote. Ok that's sad. Its the second part thats off the wall though. She's offering a 5000 dollar reward.... I mean come on. A coyote, a buff-gray to reddish-gray carnivorous North American canid (Canis latrans) closely related to but smaller than the wolf, stole your fluffy mutt Daisy. Do you really not know what he was going to do with it? Here is a hint. Daisy is Maltipoo. Next up

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