Mossback

Spencer, thanks for the Cialis link (but I think your PC has caught a social disease and needs penicillin)

Brian and Danny, thanks for your help today

Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, "I'd like to get you guys in now, but our computer's down. You will have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can't go back as priests. What'll it be?" The first priest says, "I've always wanted to be an an eagle, soaring above the Rocky Mountains ." "So be it," says St.. Peter, and off flies the first priest. The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks, "Will any of this week 'count' St. Peter?" " "No. I told you, the computer's down, there's no way we can keep track of what you are doing." "In that case" says the second priest, "I've always wanted to be a stud." "So be it" says St. Peter, and the second priest disappears. A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and the Lord tells St. Peter to recall the two priests.. "Will you have any trouble locating them?", He asks. "The first one should be easy," says St. Peter. "He's somewhere over the Rockies, flying with the eagles. But the second one could prove to be more difficult." "Why", asks the Lord "He's on a snow tire, somewhere in South Dakota "

The California - Texas Travel Dictionary Intended for use when listening to main stream media. A lexicon, with translations for Californians who are visiting Texas , or vice versa. In California = In Texas Diverse or Lifestyle Choice = Sinful and Perverted Arsenal of Weapons = Gun Collection Delicate Wetlands = Swamps Undocumented Worker = Damned Illegal Alien or Criminal Invader Cruelty-Free Materials = Synthetic Fiber Assault and Battery = Attitude Adjustment Heavily Armed = Well-protected Narrow-minded = Righteous Taxes or Your Fair Share = Coerced Theft Commonsense Gun Control = Gun Confiscation Plot Illegal Hazardous Explosives = Fireworks or Stump Removal Equal Access to Opportunity = Socialism Multicultural Community = High Crime Area Fairness or Social Progress = Marxism Upper Class or "The Rich" = Self-Employed Progressive, Change = Big Government Scheme Homeless or Disadvantaged = Bums or Welfare Leeches Sniper Rifle = Scoped Deer Rifle Investment For the Future = Higher Taxes Healthcare Reform = Socialized Medicine Extremist, Judgmental, or Hater = Conservative Truants = Homeschoolers Victim or Oppressed = Criminal or Lazy Good-For-Nothing High Capacity Magazine = Standard Capacity Magazine Religious Zealot = Church-going, God fearing Reintroduced Wolves = Sheep and Elk Killers Fair Trade Coffee = Overpriced Yuppie Coffee Exploiters or "The Rich" = Employers or Land Owners The Gun Lobby = NRA Members Assault Weapon = Semi-Auto (Grandpa's M1 Carbine) Fiscal Stimulus = New Taxes and Higher Taxes Same Sex Marriage = Legalized Perversion Mandated Eco-Friendly Lighting = Chinese Mercury-Laden Light Bulbs

beckhams porsche on ebay. http://cgi.ebay.com/ebaymotors/ws/eB...m=120668984681

Year to date statistics on Airport screening from the Department of Homeland Security: Terrorist Plots Discovered 0 Transvestites 133 Hernias 1,485 Hemorrhoid Cases 3,172 Enlarged Prostates 8,249 Breast Implants 59,350 Natural Blondes 3

Misc Observations 1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die. 2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong. 3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger. 4. There is great need for a sarcasm font. 5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? 6. Was learning cursive really necessary? 7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood. 8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died. 9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired. 10. Bad decisions make good stories. 11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day. 12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again. 13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to. 14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call. 15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well. 16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay. 17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option. 18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger. 19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said? 20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters! 21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever. 22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is. 23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time. 24. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.

gun Joke USMC Rules For Gun Fighting Bring a gun. Preferably, bring at least two guns. Bring all of your friends who have guns.Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive.Only hits count. A close miss is still a miss.If your shooting stance is good, you're probably not moving fast enough nor using cover correctly.Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral and diagonal movements are preferred.)If you can choose what to bring to a gunfight, bring a long gun and a friend with a long gun.In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics.They will only remember who lived.If you are not shooting, you should be communic- ating, reloading, and running.Accuracy is relative: most combat shooting standards will be more dependent on "pucker factor" than the inherent accuracy of the gun.Use a gun that works EVERY TIME.Someday someone may kill you with your own gun, but they should have to beat you to death with it because it is empty.Always cheat = always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.Have a plan.Have a back-up plan, because the first one won't work.Use cover and concealment as much as possible.Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.Don't drop your guard.Always tactically reload and threat scan 360 degrees.Watch their hands. Hands kill. (In God we trust. Everyone else, keep your hands where I can see them).Decide to be AGGRESSIVE enough, QUICKLY enough.The faster you finish the fight, the less shot up you will get.Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet.Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun, the caliber of which does not start with a "4". Navy Rules for Gun FightingGo to SeaSend the MarinesDrink Coffee

TSA in action, Might be considered NSFW http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=4zFi18ioqYk&vq=medium#t=15

Equal opportunity: "In a recent interview, Sarah Palin said we have to stand with 'our North Korean allies.' When told that North Korea is not our ally, Palin said, 'Sorry, I meant East Korean allies.'" –Conan O'Brien

Dear Abby: . My husband has a long record of money problems. He runs up huge credit-card bills and at the end of the month, if I try to pay them off, he shouts at me, saying I am stealing his money. He says pay the minimum and let our kids worry about the rest, but already we can hardly keep up with the interest. . Also he has been so arrogant and abusive toward our neighbors that most of them no longer speak to us. The few that do are an odd bunch, to whom he has been giving a lot of expensive gifts, running up our bills even more. . Also, he has gotten religious. One week he hangs out with Catholics and the next with people who say the Pope is the Anti-Christ, and the next he's with Muslums. . Finally, the last straw. He's demanding that before anyone can be in the same room with him, they must sign a loyalty oath. it's just so horribly creepy! Can you help? Signed, Lost in DC . Dear Lost: . Stop whining, Michelle. You can divorce the jerk any time you want. The rest of us are stuck with him for two more years!

big boy skeet shooting

The Pope in Alaska ... The Pope took a couple of days off to visit the rugged mountains of Alaska for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the campground in the Pope-Mobile when there was a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods. A helpless Democrat, wearing sandals, shorts, a "Vote for Obama" hat and a "Save the Trees" t-shirt, was screaming while struggling frantically and thrashing around trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10-foot grizzly. As the Pope watched in horror, a group of Republican loggers, wearing "Go Sarah" t-shirts raced up to the commotion. One quickly fired a 44 magnum into the bear's chest. The other two reached up and pulled the bleeding, semi-conscious Democrat from the bear's grasp. Then using long clubs, the three loggers finished off the bear and two of them threw it onto the bed of their truck while the others tenderly placed the injured Democrat in the back seat. As they prepared to leave, the Pope summoned them to come over. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions!" he told the men. "I had heard that in America there was a bitter hatred between Republican loggers and Democratic environmental activists, but now I've seen with my own eyes that this is not true." As the Pope drove off, one logger asked his buddies, "Who was that guy?" "That was the Pope," another replied. "Well," the logger said, "he sure doesn't know squat about bear hunting! By the way, is the bait still alive, or do we need to go back to Massachusetts and get us another one?"

OK, Old man Crew stickers are going to press. It won't be a big run I need to sell 20 top break even so I won't be too picky as to your geezer qualifications. 1 sticker, $10, 2 stickers $17 all prices shipped (USPS) and 1 luggage tag each for orders of 2 or more. PM me for your quantity and paypal The run will probably be in white. Thanks! Chuck