To All Those With Anger Issues

[Trunks850R]

im kinda buzzed, but this is funny as hell to me and everyone else out there that shares my anger issues

Anger Management Works

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello."

I politely said, "This is Travis. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?"

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f**ing number!" and the phone was slammed down on me.

I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.

After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an a$$hole!" and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'a$$hole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an a$$hole!"

It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic "a$$hole calling" would have to stop.

So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from Verizon. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?"

He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone.

I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an a$$hole!"

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot.

Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window which included his phone number, so I wrote down the number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on speed dial) I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too. I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"

"Yes, it is", he said.

"Can you tell me where I can see it?" I asked.

"Yes, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, in Vaucluse. It's a yellow house, and the car's parked right out in front."

"What's your name?" I asked.

"My name is Don Hansen," he said.

"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

"I'm home every evening after five."

"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

"Yes?"

"Don, you're an a$$hole!" Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.

Now, when I had a problem, I had two a$$holes to call. Then I came up with an idea. I called A$$hole #1.

"Hello."

"You're an a$$hole!" (But I didn't hang up.)

"Are you still there?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"Stop calling me," he screamed.

"Make me," I said.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"My name is Don Hansen."

"Yeah? Where do you live?"

"A$$hole, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse, a yellow house, with my black Beamer parked in front."

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."

I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole," and hung up.

Then I called A$$hole #2. "Hello?" he said.

"Hello, a$$hole," I said.

He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."

"You'll what?" I said.

"I'll kick your a$$," he exclaimed.

I answered, "Well, a$$hole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse, and that I was on my way over there to kill my happy lover. Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Mowbray. I got there just in time to watch two a$$holes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead police helicopter and a news crew.

NOW I feel much better.

Anger management really works

[Ivanfbi]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA you should be dead, but this is effin funny

also, you will be busted, they can find the number you called from

[Zappo]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA you should be dead, but this is effin funny

also, you will be busted, they can find the number you called from

Yeah, the cops would know right away what number the call was made from.

[Trunks850R]

nah my a$$ is covered

[maiku]

OMG

that's hilarious!!!!

someone have the tv report?!!

[BCo]

OMG

that's hilarious!!!!

someone have the tv report?!!

This is one of the funniest things ever, and certainly the funniest I've seen on this site. Oh, and he has nothing to fear from any of the parties involved in the story....

[HPTDoh]

Genius!! Definately made my day :)

[Adam Franke]

He didn't actually do this. I've heard this 'story' told many times over the past few years.

[JHEIII874T5M]

He didn't actually do this. I've heard this 'story' told many times over the past few years.

+1, still pretty funny though.

[narxs70]

even so, it's still funny and does sound like some therapeutic activities at work. good post. made my day. now everyone in the offfice is laughing our asses off.

[BCo]

He didn't actually do this. I've heard this 'story' told many times over the past few years.

I remember seeing this >10 years ago. Does anyone know where it originated?

[Trunks850R]

yeah obviously i didnt really do that,. but i figured everyone would laugh even harder if they thought it was a true story. i was pretty drunk last night when i put it on here. glad to give everyone a good laugh

[Trunks850R]

dam theres alot of OT posts goin on around here