Mossback Posted November 29, 2010 Report Share Posted November 29, 2010 The Pope in Alaska ... The Pope took a couple of days off to visit the rugged mountains of Alaska for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the campground in the Pope-Mobile when there was a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods. A helpless Democrat, wearing sandals, shorts, a "Vote for Obama" hat and a "Save the Trees" t-shirt, was screaming while struggling frantically and thrashing around trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10-foot grizzly. As the Pope watched in horror, a group of Republican loggers, wearing "Go Sarah" t-shirts raced up to the commotion. One quickly fired a 44 magnum into the bear's chest. The other two reached up and pulled the bleeding, semi-conscious Democrat from the bear's grasp. Then using long clubs, the three loggers finished off the bear and two of them threw it onto the bed of their truck while the others tenderly placed the injured Democrat in the back seat. As they prepared to leave, the Pope summoned them to come over. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions!" he told the men. "I had heard that in America there was a bitter hatred between Republican loggers and Democratic environmental activists, but now I've seen with my own eyes that this is not true." As the Pope drove off, one logger asked his buddies, "Who was that guy?" "That was the Pope," another replied. "Well," the logger said, "he sure doesn't know squat about bear hunting! By the way, is the bait still alive, or do we need to go back to Massachusetts and get us another one?" 7 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chilled man Posted November 29, 2010 Report Share Posted November 29, 2010 :lol: beers they will eat anything 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keep Calm Chive On Posted November 30, 2010 Report Share Posted November 30, 2010 I HAVE THAT SHIRT!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mossback Posted December 1, 2010 Author Report Share Posted December 1, 2010 Dear Abby: . My husband has a long record of money problems. He runs up huge credit-card bills and at the end of the month, if I try to pay them off, he shouts at me, saying I am stealing his money. He says pay the minimum and let our kids worry about the rest, but already we can hardly keep up with the interest. . Also he has been so arrogant and abusive toward our neighbors that most of them no longer speak to us. The few that do are an odd bunch, to whom he has been giving a lot of expensive gifts, running up our bills even more. . Also, he has gotten religious. One week he hangs out with Catholics and the next with people who say the Pope is the Anti-Christ, and the next he's with Muslums. . Finally, the last straw. He's demanding that before anyone can be in the same room with him, they must sign a loyalty oath. it's just so horribly creepy! Can you help? Signed, Lost in DC . Dear Lost: . Stop whining, Michelle. You can divorce the jerk any time you want. The rest of us are stuck with him for two more years! 7 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin. Posted December 1, 2010 Report Share Posted December 1, 2010 YES 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mossback Posted December 1, 2010 Author Report Share Posted December 1, 2010 Equal opportunity: "In a recent interview, Sarah Palin said we have to stand with 'our North Korean allies.' When told that North Korea is not our ally, Palin said, 'Sorry, I meant East Korean allies.'" –Conan O'Brien 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mossback Posted December 3, 2010 Author Report Share Posted December 3, 2010 TSA in action, Might be considered NSFW http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=4zFi18ioqYk&vq=medium#t=15 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mossback Posted December 8, 2010 Author Report Share Posted December 8, 2010 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mossback Posted December 8, 2010 Author Report Share Posted December 8, 2010 gun Joke USMC Rules For Gun Fighting Bring a gun. Preferably, bring at least two guns. Bring all of your friends who have guns.Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive.Only hits count. A close miss is still a miss.If your shooting stance is good, you're probably not moving fast enough nor using cover correctly.Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral and diagonal movements are preferred.)If you can choose what to bring to a gunfight, bring a long gun and a friend with a long gun.In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics.They will only remember who lived.If you are not shooting, you should be communic- ating, reloading, and running.Accuracy is relative: most combat shooting standards will be more dependent on "pucker factor" than the inherent accuracy of the gun.Use a gun that works EVERY TIME.Someday someone may kill you with your own gun, but they should have to beat you to death with it because it is empty.Always cheat = always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.Have a plan.Have a back-up plan, because the first one won't work.Use cover and concealment as much as possible.Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.Don't drop your guard.Always tactically reload and threat scan 360 degrees.Watch their hands. Hands kill. (In God we trust. Everyone else, keep your hands where I can see them).Decide to be AGGRESSIVE enough, QUICKLY enough.The faster you finish the fight, the less shot up you will get.Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet.Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun, the caliber of which does not start with a "4". Navy Rules for Gun FightingGo to SeaSend the MarinesDrink Coffee 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post DonutsDemise Posted December 24, 2010 Popular Post Report Share Posted December 24, 2010 A soldier walks into a bar and says, "Anyone want to hear a Marine joke?" A guy stands up and says, "Hey, see me? I'm a Marine. See that 6'2" 230 lb. guy? He's a Marine. See that guy, 6'4" 250, he's a Marine. Still want to tell that joke?" Soldier: "Not if I have to explain it three times." 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mossback Posted January 5, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 5, 2011 Year to date statistics on Airport screening from the Department of Homeland Security: Terrorist Plots Discovered 0 Transvestites 133 Hernias 1,485 Hemorrhoid Cases 3,172 Enlarged Prostates 8,249 Breast Implants 59,350 Natural Blondes 3 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mossback Posted January 10, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 10, 2011 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mossback Posted February 21, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 21, 2011 The California - Texas Travel Dictionary Intended for use when listening to main stream media. A lexicon, with translations for Californians who are visiting Texas , or vice versa. In California = In Texas Diverse or Lifestyle Choice = Sinful and Perverted Arsenal of Weapons = Gun Collection Delicate Wetlands = Swamps Undocumented Worker = Damned Illegal Alien or Criminal Invader Cruelty-Free Materials = Synthetic Fiber Assault and Battery = Attitude Adjustment Heavily Armed = Well-protected Narrow-minded = Righteous Taxes or Your Fair Share = Coerced Theft Commonsense Gun Control = Gun Confiscation Plot Illegal Hazardous Explosives = Fireworks or Stump Removal Equal Access to Opportunity = Socialism Multicultural Community = High Crime Area Fairness or Social Progress = Marxism Upper Class or "The Rich" = Self-Employed Progressive, Change = Big Government Scheme Homeless or Disadvantaged = Bums or Welfare Leeches Sniper Rifle = Scoped Deer Rifle Investment For the Future = Higher Taxes Healthcare Reform = Socialized Medicine Extremist, Judgmental, or Hater = Conservative Truants = Homeschoolers Victim or Oppressed = Criminal or Lazy Good-For-Nothing High Capacity Magazine = Standard Capacity Magazine Religious Zealot = Church-going, God fearing Reintroduced Wolves = Sheep and Elk Killers Fair Trade Coffee = Overpriced Yuppie Coffee Exploiters or "The Rich" = Employers or Land Owners The Gun Lobby = NRA Members Assault Weapon = Semi-Auto (Grandpa's M1 Carbine) Fiscal Stimulus = New Taxes and Higher Taxes Same Sex Marriage = Legalized Perversion Mandated Eco-Friendly Lighting = Chinese Mercury-Laden Light Bulbs 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mossback Posted March 1, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 1, 2011 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smithwicks Posted March 1, 2011 Report Share Posted March 1, 2011 "I haven't seen anyone work this hard to avoid doing their jobs since Jay Cutler" In reference to the Wisconsin Democrats that are hiding out somewhere in Illinois. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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