Guest zaphod Posted October 20, 2005 Report Share Posted October 20, 2005 ..have we scared all the decent, law abiding, volvo owners away?.... not surprised.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest_Vulva_* Posted October 20, 2005 Report Share Posted October 20, 2005 An old guy in his Volvo is driving home from work when his wife rings him on his carphone,"honey", she says in a worried voice, "Be careful! There was a bit on the news just now, some lunitic is driving the wrong way down the motorway","It's worse than that!", he replies, "There are hundreds of them!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest zaphod Posted October 20, 2005 Report Share Posted October 20, 2005 ....what the fashionable Vovlo (and Iguana) owner is wearing this season..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Volvos meet GBBF Posted October 20, 2005 Report Share Posted October 20, 2005 One summer's evening Paddy & Mick are on their way to the pub for their usual drink."Oim a bit tired tonight," says Mick. "Oi tink I'll just have a little lie down in this ditch and have a little sleep. You can wake me up on your way home later.""Roight, you are," says Paddy, and they separate.At the end of the evening, Paddy comes out of the pub and starts walking back to collect Mick from his ditch. He hasn't gone far when Mick rolls up beside him driving a big shiny Volvo."Where did you get that lovely car from?!" asks Paddy, astonished."Well, I'll tell you. It was loik this," says Mick. "There Oi was lying in the ditch having a nice snooze and Oi had just turned over onto me other side when up drives a lovely lady in her nice new Volvo and asks me if I'd like to come for a drive with her. Well, Oi thought, why not? It's a lovely evening for a drive. So in Oi got. She drove along for a bit and then turned off into a field. She got out of the car, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want!" So Oi took the Volvo."Ah, well," says Paddy. "You did, right, Mick: the clothes probably wouldn't have fitted you, anyway." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest zaphod Posted October 20, 2005 Report Share Posted October 20, 2005 Brown is soooo last season.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest zaphod Posted October 20, 2005 Report Share Posted October 20, 2005 vene vidi volvo..we came, we saw.. we volvo'd :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest SisterMaryPatricia Posted October 20, 2005 Report Share Posted October 20, 2005 Eamonn Murphy passes away, leaving control of his company, Murphy's Nails, to his wastrel son Sean. The board is a bit concerned about Sean taking over, but he convinces them to give him a shot, promising to increase sales over the next several months. Sean contacts a big New York advertising agency and tells them what he wants. They tell him, "No problem, Mr. Murphy, just tune into Channel 4 next Thursday at 6 pm."Sean and the board anxiously turn on their TVs at 6 pm on Thursday. A desert scene comes on the screen, with a man with a beard, sandals, and wearing a tunic being dragged off by two Roman centurions. The man is nailed to a cross and the tagline comes on the screen - "Use Murphy's Nails. They'll never let you down."Well, public reaction is bad. Cries of outrage come from all quarters. The Pope calls Sean directly to complain about the commercial. Sean frantically calls the ad agency. They tell him not to worry, just to tune in again next Thursday at 6 pm and they will take care of everything.Everyone is now on pins and needles by the time Thursday rolls around. They are all sitting in front of their TVs biting their nails. The same desert scene comes on, only this time the guy with the beard, sandals, and tunic is running away from the Roman centurions. The tagline comes up - "Should have used Murphy's Nails."Oi never told that story, the Father would drip the altar candles on me 'til Kingdom come if he knew... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Iggy Pop Posted October 20, 2005 Report Share Posted October 20, 2005 Here comes johnny SWEDE againWith the liquor and drugsAnd the VOLVO machineHe’s gonna do another strip tease.Hey man, where’d ya get that ENGINE?I’ve been hurting since I’ve bought the gimmickAbout something called loveYeah, something called love.Well, that’s like hypnotizing IGUANAS.Well, I’m just a modern guyOf course, I’ve had it in the CAR before.I have a lust for life’cause of a lust for life.I’m worth a million in TYRESWith my torture filmDrive a goWear a uniformAll on a GASOLINE loan.I’m worth a million in TYRESYeah, I’m through with sleeping on the sidewalk No more beating my brainsIN A DASHBOARDwith liquor and drugs.Well, I’m just a modern REPTILEOf course, I’ve had it in my ear beforeWell, I’ve a lust for CARS (lust for CARS)’cause of a lust for life (lust for life, oooo)I got a lust for CARS (oooo)Got a lust for VOLVOS (oooo)Oh, a lust for DASH (oooo)Oh, a lust for SPEAKERS (oooo)A lust for TYRES(oooo)I got a lust for GAS(oooo)Got a lust for life!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest SisterMaryPatricia Posted October 20, 2005 Report Share Posted October 20, 2005 vene vidi volvo..we came, we saw.. we volvo'd Dear ZaphodOur Father will find ye out Be prepared for the gates of heaven when St Peter asks you...didja pray when you were polishing the alloys on yer S70 ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest Posted October 20, 2005 Report Share Posted October 20, 2005 Dear ZaphodOur Father will find ye out Be prepared for the gates of heaven when St Peter asks you...didja pray when you were polishing the alloys on yer S70 ?Not only did I pray.. I bought a Mercedes... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest SisterMaryPatricia Posted October 20, 2005 Report Share Posted October 20, 2005 Oi have to ask, was it a Mercedes27, or a gin (BomSaph preferred) powered SLK?Bejaysus, those things can GOOOOOOOOOOOOShame the Father won't allow us to patent our candle powered engine! All those nuns, all those candles<crosses self and drops habit in shame> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest zaphod Posted October 20, 2005 Report Share Posted October 20, 2005 Have you met the missus? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Nicola JAne L Posted October 20, 2005 Report Share Posted October 20, 2005 :lol: which one is the missus Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest zaphod Posted October 20, 2005 Report Share Posted October 20, 2005 which one is the missus.. the one with no underarm hair of course...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhiteT5 Posted October 20, 2005 Report Share Posted October 20, 2005 ....And this is why I love British TV. Anyone else have anymore Volvo jokes? I once saw a sig pic someone made up stating:Volvo, world's safest cars for the world's worst drivers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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