merlin390 Posted December 2, 2005 Report Share Posted December 2, 2005 Subject: cows DEMOCRATYou have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. Barbara Streisand sings for you.REPUBLICANYou have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?SOCIALISTYou have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.COMMUNISTYou have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLEYou have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLEYou have two cows. Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.AMERICAN CORPORATIONYou have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.FRENCH CORPORATIONYou have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch and drink wine. Life is good.JAPANESE CORPORATIONYou have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school.GERMAN CORPORATIONYou have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.ITALIAN CORPORATIONYou have two cows but you don't know where they are. While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good.RUSSIAN CORPORATIONYou have two cows. You have some vodka. You count them and learn you have five cows. You have some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.TALIBAN CORPORATIONYou have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two. You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts. You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.IRAQI CORPORATIONYou have two cows. They go into hiding. They send radio tapes of their mooing.POLISH CORPORATIONYou have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.BELGIAN CORPORATIONYou have one cow. The cow is schizophrenic. Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish. The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow. The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk. The cow asks permission to be cut in half. The cow dies happy.FLORIDA CORPORATIONYou have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking one. Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can't figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow.CALIFORNIA CORPORATIONYou have millions of cows. They make real California cheese. Only five speak English. Most are illegal. Arnold likes the ones with the big udders. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
javadoc Posted December 2, 2005 Report Share Posted December 2, 2005 Udderly hilarious!!!What is my neighbor if he lets his cows graze on my land? Maybe my border patrol should have a BBQ. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
merlin390 Posted December 2, 2005 Author Report Share Posted December 2, 2005 Udderly hilarious!!!What is my neighbor if he lets his cows graze on my land? Maybe my border patrol should have a BBQ.mmmm mmmm fresh killed cow Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JHEIII874T5M Posted December 3, 2005 Report Share Posted December 3, 2005 that was great man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trunks850R Posted December 21, 2005 Report Share Posted December 21, 2005 THAT WAS AWESOME im going to print that up and post it in the back of my office where only my salesman can see(cant let the customers see it) :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trunks850R Posted December 21, 2005 Report Share Posted December 21, 2005 seemed to have left a few out of the list, can anyone think of another to add to it??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steve s Posted December 22, 2005 Report Share Posted December 22, 2005 (edited) CHINESE CORPORATIONyou have two cows. you have tons of cheap labor, so you overmilk the cows. the communist party wants some of the milk you produce behind the shed with cheap labor, because it looks like u are producing a lot. so you sell half to the communist party, and half to walmart. but the chinese population cannot tolerate lactose and constantly have the runs. so the communist party shut u down for selling incontenence and kill the cows, sell the big meat cuts to walmart, and keep and stew the rest of the "american-inedible-parts"CANADIAN CORPORATIONyour two cows die in the winter. u try to buy two more cows but no one wants your funny money. so you cross the border and buy milk and meat from the u.s.CITY SLICKERS on FARMthere is no milk in the fridge. farmer says have to milk the cows to get milk each morning. it is cold outside and it is still dark. the metroseksual thinks he is a man so goes out and tries to milk the cow. only there are no heifers but two bulls. Edited December 22, 2005 by steve s Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trunks850R Posted December 22, 2005 Report Share Posted December 22, 2005 okay someones gonna say somethin to me about this one!DEEP SOUTHERN COWyou've got 2 cows, one white cow and one black cow, both are equally lazy, but for some reason the white cow hates the black cow for being so lazy VEGAN COWyou've got 2 cows, both are very fat and over fed, and eventually die since thier owners think its inhumane to milk themCAR SALESMAN COWyou've got 3 cows. the first one make friends with you, only to lure inside his barn with empty promices of a great deal and wonderful new relationship. the second cow helps the first cow make about 5 thousand dollars worth of profit on you by telling you that its all about the monthly payment, not the price of the car. they then give you to the third cow who tells you that since you paid a credit card late 5 years ago, your interest rate is now 29 percent and that the bank wont finance you unless you roll a 5 thousand dollar extended warranty into the loan that makes a differnce of over 150 dollars a month. since your a sucker and the 3rd cow is much more educated then you, you sign everything he tells you too! yeah guess who plays the 3rd cow in all that :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trunks850R Posted December 23, 2005 Report Share Posted December 23, 2005 Darn i was drunk the other night :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kenhoeve Posted December 29, 2005 Report Share Posted December 29, 2005 :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tripp Mcnealy Posted January 3, 2006 Report Share Posted January 3, 2006 that was great.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrWinkey Posted January 4, 2006 Report Share Posted January 4, 2006 Yes.. that was a great write-up!!!!! ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andrew_the_fox Posted February 25, 2006 Report Share Posted February 25, 2006 Udderly hilarious!!!What is my neighbor if he lets his cows graze on my land? Maybe my border patrol should have a BBQ.UDDERLY hahaha cheap joke!why did no one pick up on that hahahahahavery funny tho Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts