Cows

[merlin390]

Subject: cows

DEMOCRAT

You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being

successful. Barbara Streisand sings for you.

REPUBLICAN

You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?

SOCIALIST

You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.

You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST

You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk.

You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows. Under the new farm program the government pays you to

shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on

the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You

are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the

analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock

goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to

lunch and drink wine. Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an

ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on

unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow

school.

GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of

beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.

Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows but you don't know where they are. While ambling around,

you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows. You have some vodka. You count them and learn you have

five cows. You have some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have

42 cows. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really

have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION

You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two. You don't milk them

because you cannot touch any creature's private parts. You get a $40

million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk

production but use the money to buy weapons.

IRAQI CORPORATION

You have two cows. They go into hiding. They send radio tapes of their

mooing.

POLISH CORPORATION

You have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to

milk them.

BELGIAN CORPORATION

You have one cow. The cow is schizophrenic. Sometimes the cow thinks he's

French, other times he's Flemish. The Flemish cow won't share with the

French cow. The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk. The cow

asks permission to be cut in half. The cow dies happy.

FLORIDA CORPORATION

You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking

one. Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally

vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for

neither. Some people can't figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch

of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking

cow.

CALIFORNIA CORPORATION

You have millions of cows. They make real California cheese. Only five

speak English. Most are illegal. Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.

[javadoc]

Udderly hilarious!!!

What is my neighbor if he lets his cows graze on my land? Maybe my border patrol should have a BBQ.

[merlin390]

Udderly hilarious!!!

What is my neighbor if he lets his cows graze on my land? Maybe my border patrol should have a BBQ.

mmmm mmmm fresh killed cow

[JHEIII874T5M]

that was great man.

[Trunks850R]

THAT WAS AWESOME im going to print that up and post it in the back of my office where only my salesman can see(cant let the customers see it) :P

[Trunks850R]

seemed to have left a few out of the list, can anyone think of another to add to it???

[steve s]

CHINESE CORPORATION

you have two cows. you have tons of cheap labor, so you overmilk the cows. the communist party wants some of the milk you produce behind the shed with cheap labor, because it looks like u are producing a lot. so you sell half to the communist party, and half to walmart. but the chinese population cannot tolerate lactose and constantly have the runs. so the communist party shut u down for selling incontenence and kill the cows, sell the big meat cuts to walmart, and keep and stew the rest of the "american-inedible-parts"

CANADIAN CORPORATION

your two cows die in the winter. u try to buy two more cows but no one wants your funny money. so you cross the border and buy milk and meat from the u.s.

CITY SLICKERS on FARM

there is no milk in the fridge. farmer says have to milk the cows to get milk each morning. it is cold outside and it is still dark. the metroseksual thinks he is a man so goes out and tries to milk the cow. only there are no heifers but two bulls.

Edited December 22, 2005 by steve s

[Trunks850R]

okay someones gonna say somethin to me about this one!

DEEP SOUTHERN COW

you've got 2 cows, one white cow and one black cow, both are equally lazy, but for some reason the white cow hates the black cow for being so lazy

VEGAN COW

you've got 2 cows, both are very fat and over fed, and eventually die since thier owners think its inhumane to milk them

CAR SALESMAN COW

you've got 3 cows. the first one make friends with you, only to lure inside his barn with empty promices of a great deal and wonderful new relationship. the second cow helps the first cow make about 5 thousand dollars worth of profit on you by telling you that its all about the monthly payment, not the price of the car. they then give you to the third cow who tells you that since you paid a credit card late 5 years ago, your interest rate is now 29 percent and that the bank wont finance you unless you roll a 5 thousand dollar extended warranty into the loan that makes a differnce of over 150 dollars a month. since your a sucker and the 3rd cow is much more educated then you, you sign everything he tells you too!

yeah guess who plays the 3rd cow in all that :P

[Trunks850R]

Darn i was drunk the other night :P

[kenhoeve]

:lol:

[Tripp Mcnealy]

that was great..

[MrWinkey]

Yes.. that was a great write-up!!!!!

;)

[andrew_the_fox]

Udderly hilarious!!!

What is my neighbor if he lets his cows graze on my land? Maybe my border patrol should have a BBQ.

UDDERLY hahaha cheap joke!

why did no one pick up on that hahahahaha

very funny tho